One year. Why do I feel so sad that my baby is turning one year. It’s every parents dream to have a healthy baby grow up and I’m not taking that for granted but I can’t help but feel a sense of sadness that my first born, the one who made me a mom, is not a baby anymore. And I’m sure every first time mama can agree.
We’ll never put their tiny little body on our chest and rock them at 3:30am as we drift off to sleep with them. They don’t need us to fall asleep anymore.
We’ll never put them in a Solly wrap and wear them around the house while we clean and listen to Eric Church and wait for daddy to get home. They don’t fit in their wrap anymore.
We’ll never take their hands and teach them how to clap and wave and blow kisses. They learned how to do that already.
We’ll never put them in their car seat and go for long drives simply to get them to sleep. That doesn’t work anymore.
We’ll never get that time back. The newborn stage, the stage where your only job is to care for your baby and the both of you have nowhere else in the world to be. It’s already come and gone. You survived your first year as a parent and if you go through it again you’ll be experienced. You can only learn the ropes once and your ropes are learned my friend.
Maybe that’s why we as moms get so upset when our babies grow up. Because we realize that they aren’t the only ones growing up. We’re changing and learning and growing right there with them and if time is passing them by then it sure as heck is passing us by too. The time train is slowing down for nobody no matter how hard you scream at the conductor to push the damn breaks to the floor.
I think we can find solace in knowing that although a million “firsts” have already happened this year, there are a million more waiting to. Will I be the mom trying to sneak on the bus to go to kindergarten with my kid on the first day?
But I’ll also be the one cheering him on to leave my ass at home and go do big things in this world.
My baby turned one year old today and although I feel I’ve taught him as much as I can, I know he taught me a thousand times more.
I love you Finn, Happy Birthday!